Hollywood, listen to me. Do not re-make Steve McQueen's masterpiece 1968 film "Bullitt".
Oh sure, Steven Spielberg (directing) and Bradley Cooper (as Detective Frank Bullitt - McQueen's role in the first and definitive "Bullitt" movie) might bring in better special effects and CGI. Or little fuzzy black baddy Dodge Charger pillows and SFPD coffee mugs merch. Or maybe a Rain Man drive-by cameo with Dustin and Tom.
But nobody is going to out-McQueen Steve McQueen.
Not even if his son Chad is an executive producer to lend his cred to the project.
They can clean up the repetitive Green Beetle and duplicate hubcaps flying and different views of the same yumps. I don't care about the technicalities that "Bullitt" geeks have obsessed about for decades.
There is only one King of Cool.
And he's gone. And he was Steve McQueen.
In the jazz club, digging the vibes with major dish GF Jacqueline Bisset. His refusal to kiss ass in justice system politics. His gutsy abandon behind the wheel of that badass green Mustang GT with the 390 V8 and 4-on-the-floor. His crappy batchelor pad. All pitch perfect. All fearless.
This is a man. A machismo seething with vital hormonal fluids.
No actual disrespect to Bradley Cooper, but.............. Dude!
You're going to kiss another man on the lips in "Maestro" as Leonard Bernstein. You do cartoon voice-overs for a raccoon (I think that's what that critter is). You peed your pants on-stage in a cowboy crooner tearjerker flick.
Whew...... not Steve McQueen material, brother. No, no, no.
Sure, it could be worse: Leo DiCaprio or Nic Cage or Matt Damon - thank God none of them, unless they play the role of Delgetti or Chalmers or one of the Post Toasties left to burn at the gas station.
McQueen is the ultimate motorized hero. He's the tough Porsche 917 driver at LeMans. He's the for-real endurance racer at Sebring. He's the rebellious Stalag escapee on the stolen Nazi motorcycle. He's the mechanical wizard in the engine room of the USS San Pablo. He's the rifleman who stands with Yul Brynner. He's the off-roader On Any Sunday.
You're messing with an icon, Hollywood. It's not going to go well. Eeven if you update to a new Mustang for Bradley. You can't possibly update Steve McQueen and his authenticity.
In the words of Detective Bullitt, "You sell whatever you want, but don't sell it here tonight."
